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If the thought of cheese conjures up images of bland snack food hermetically sealed in cellophane sheets, cardboard tubes or aerosol cans, it's time to wake up and smell the aromas. There's a universe of cheese out there that'll either completely disgust you or change your life. Yah baby, I'm talking about stinky cheeses, the bacterial mutations covered in festering mold. The kind that if you get them just ripe enough they ooze like slime and emit aromas that make your dirty socks smell like the latest Calvin Klein fragrance by comparison. In other words, cheese nirvana. Like glistening pearls in barnacle-covered oyster shells, stinky cheeses offer a gastronomic bonanza to those who can get past the appearance -- and of course the nearly toxic fumes. The reward for perseverance is a decidedly unstinky taste sensation that saturates every last taste bud with a robust, creamy -- yet tangy -- fusion of flavors. read more
Cheese
It takes a big wine to stand up to a stinky cheese. To play it safe, select powerful reds with lots of body. Well-structured wines, such as big California cabs and French Bordeaux, are safe bets. The Australian Penfolds cabernet-shiraz blend is a perfect example of a more supple, less tannic wine with enough intensity to meet its match. If you're adventurous, you can dabble in the art of regional pairings (i.e., Burgundies with Burgundian cheeses and gewurztraminer with Alsatian muenster). Select the biggest wines each region has to offer.
the stinkin' facts
* Goat and sheep cheeses can be more pungent, but virtually all stinky cheeses are made from cow's milk.
* Once cut, a small round of cheese will last about two weeks in your refrigerator.
* Always bring cheese to room temperature before serving.
* To accelerate the maturation process and heighten the olfactory assault, wrap cheese in wax paper and store at room temperature. (This does, however, shorten cheese's life expectancy and may force your housemates to quarantine the kitchen.)
* The ideal bread to accompany cheese is a nut bread containing walnuts or hazelnuts (and sometimes bits of dried fruits). But any crisp baguette or sourdough loaf will do.
In my never-ending quest to help you get a lot out of life, regardless of what your lot in life is, I set out to learn why the artisan cheeses eaten in Europe are so different from what we've all grown up to accept as cheese in America.
In America, most cheeses are required by law to be pasteurized, a process that heats the milk to 161 degrees Fahrenheit, thus killing potentially dangerous bacteria (and unfortunately some of the flavor). In France, where cheese isn't required to be pasteurized, the milk is heated to a lower temperature, which preserves the integrity of the raw ingredients. Of course the quality of the milk itself, determined by what the cows graze on, is also a key factor. Then there's the issue of making the cheese to suit the taste of the consumer. European cheeses are crafted to meet European tastes, which tend to be bigger, bolder and less convenience-driven. Most French cheeses imported to America, such as familiar cheese-tray staples like brie and camembert, conform to American regulations and tastes. This double fault produces much milder cheeses. They may be French, but they're not Frrrrench.
sniffing out stinky cheeses in america
Sparse quantities of authentic unpasteurized French stinky cheeses do mysteriously make their way into the United States and can be found in specialty cheese stores in major metro areas. If you live off the eaten path, The Cheese Shop of Beverly Hills recently went online with the stuff that'll either deify you at your next dinner party or empty the room -- depending on the audience. Go to www.cheesestorebh.com, or call 800/547.1515. The prize cheeses range from $15 to $25 for a small round that weighs about eight ounces. Trust me, it's worth rolling your pennies for.
Jonathan White, proprietor of the Egg Farm Dairy in Peekskill, New York, supplies his artisan cheeses to many of the finest restaurants in the country. His "wild ripened" cheeses are "vat pasteurized" in an Old World method that allows him to lower the temperature and still stay within the law. The results are cheeses that rival the French ones in taste, complexity and appearance, although the styles he's chosen to make are not as smelly. Visit www.creamery.com, or call 800/CREAMERY. Cheeses start at about $8 a pound. back to top
Those pesky wine questions you were always afraid to ask…..
Dear Mistress Corky,
Domestic dispute! I say you shouldn't open the bottle of wine a guest brings as a gift because it makes you look greedy. My boyfriend says not opening it makes you look selfish (if it's good wine) or snobby (if it's a really cheap bottle). What's your feeling?
- Doug
Dear Doug,
Who the hell do you think I am, Miss Manners? Do I look like someone who spends her time reading etiquette books and worrying about whether or not it's proper to put the knife on the left side of the place setting?
And since you obviously DO care about crap like that, I'll put on my best Miss Wine Etiquette voice and attempt to give you a straight answer. The truth is, you and your boyfriend are both wrong.
A host can do whatever she damn well pleases with a gift bottle, whether that means opening it, stashing it in the closet for later or dumping it down the sink while her horrified guests watch.
There are only two real exceptions to this rule:
1) If someone says they brought a special wine to go with the Tuna Helper casserole you're making.
2) If the guest called to ask if he could bring anything for dinner and you said "Bring wine...and plenty of it."
In both these cases you should suck it up and open whatever they bring - even if it comes in a box. Otherwise, it's your call.
- Mistress Manners
(ps - the knife goes on the right side of the place setting - so there.)
Ok, I could put a nice recipe here, but I came across these Weight Watchers recipe cards circa 1974 (courtesy of candyboots.com) and can’t stop looking.
You could eat this log or you could stick your hand in a rusty kitchen blender.
It's the drink at weddings and New Year's parties. It's on the butler's tray at black-tie affairs, gallery openings, even the occasional yacht launch. But aside from special occasions and highbrow events, Champagne stays locked in the cellar like wine and beer's pitiful, abandoned step-beverage. With the taint of "tradition" conspiring to keep many younger consumers away from what's seen as an elitist, old-school drink, few in the under-50 set even consider Dom Perignon - likened to "liquid stars" - an option for a night on the dance floor or around the barbecue. After all, why sip a flute of snobby champers when the world is full of fun-lovin' craft beers and kamikazes? read more
Sex, wine and sausage rolls. Hardcore tales about the crew of a kitchen way back when the fish were faster, the customers harder, the meals trickier and the women overeasy. It may put you off restaurants forever, but is just as likely to turn you to a life of revelry and debauchery. Either way.
The late Herman Makiewicz, a writer and wit, tippled a little too much at [a dinner party], with the result that he became ill in the midst of the repast and committed the unpardonable social error of losing his food at the ..table...A deadly hush descended...Mankiewicz broke the silence himself. ..."It's all right, Arthur, the white wine came up with the fish."
--Ezra Goodman, The Fifty Year Decline and Fall of Hollywood
Champagne
Champagne sales have fizzled in recent years, as the consumer base has aged and young drinkers have failed to pick up the glasses their parents and grandparents are putting down. But if some of the world's most lauded Champagne houses and newer, wackier manufacturers have anything to say about it, Champagne is about to pop the cork on a new era in fizzy enjoyment. Their strategy: lure in the Champagne drinkers of tomorrow with the style and new media of today. The results: Champagne makeovers that let the world's most conservative beverage finally kick up its heels.
To tempt the eyes and palates of the younger generation, Champagne houses have given this classic celebration beverage a facelift. Gone are the boring bottles, staid labels and gold foil. The new look of Champagne is sleek, stylish, even sexy.
The showiest new look for Champagne is the cute and colorful "mini" bottle. This diminutive trend started at the lauded House of Pommery, which shook up the Champagne world with Pop, a sweeter and less fizzy version of the classic sparkler designed for the after-hours bar crowd. Launched at the Cannes Film Festival, Pop is a pint-sized, cobalt blue bottle of Champagne (187 ml) that comes in six-packs in space-age wire carrying crates. Adding to the experience, the fizzy liquid is imbibed through a color-coordinated blue straw. Though it isn't packaged like your parents' bubbly, Pop is a high-quality Champagne created according to the high standards of the House of Pommery and allows for "a break from the protocol of good behavior without violating the pedigree of its Champagne heritage."
Not to be outdone in the quest for style-conscious Champagne-converts, Piper-Heidsieck also offers a single-serving bubbly that comes with its own straw. Created by the company as a sly way to introduce a younger crowd to its quality product, the cute red Baby Piper bottles are turning up at big-city fashion and celebrity events around the country. Moet & Chandon has likewise gotten into the baby-bottle market, and other houses will no doubt follow as enthusiasm for pint-sized beverages spreads.
While baby Champagne bottles are getting a younger, hipper look with trendy straws, full-size versions are also being treated to eclectic, eye-catching new accessories.
The darling of French fashion wrapped Piper-Heidsieck's Special Cuvee in a fire-engine red vinyl corset whose lacing allows tantalizing glimpses of the curvy bottle. A single black lace winds through golden grommets and ties in a bow around the cork: tres chic!
Veuve Clicquot brings a similar glamour to its Brut with stylish isotherm bags and trademark cooling buckets. Rather than take your Champagne out naked, these signature decorative items let drinkers wrap the bottle in a layer of tasteful cool. Companies hope these nifty accoutrements will appeal to today's color-coordinated, gadget-happy generation of drinkers.
If all this eye candy doesn't do the trick, ongoing innovations in Champagne mixing are sure to draw in new bubble-heads. Until recently, perhaps the only party libation less cool than Champagne was the swish Champagne cocktail. But those who equate the Champagne cocktail with country club brunches and airport lounges may be surprised by the hot, exotic concoctions currently bubbling up on the menus of some hot, big-city nightspots.
Some of the tastiest examples of sparkling cocktails fizz up the menu at San Francisco's Champagne haven, The Bubble Lounge. Patrons here are tempted with concoctions like "Ruby Red" (deVenoge Champagne, Stoli Raz, Chambord) and "Fleur de Soir" (Henri Abele Champagne with elderflower fruit puree), and other Champagne bars around the country are following suit with their own unique combinations.
A tad funkier but no less intriguing is British manufacturer Weird Pop's revamped Champagne, La Dame de Shanghai. This classic California methode champenoise is married with natural wild American ginseng extract for a unique taste and effect. Sold at about $17 a bottle, La Dame de Shanghai is a real bargain when you factor in ginseng's "aphrodisiac" qualities and reputation as a "supreme energizer, alkalizer and sensualizer." If Champagne is the sexiest of all beverages, this has got to be the sexiest of all Champagnes.
So next time you sidle up to the bar for a beer, grab a straw instead and give today's Champagne a try. The tasty, trend-setting bubbles will go right to your head. back to top
